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Post by rain on Feb 8, 2009 13:54:07 GMT -5
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Post by laurelflight on Feb 8, 2009 20:57:45 GMT -5
That was beautifully written, Dove. And now, be prepared to read a whole paragraph about my thoughts on this xD
First, I love your writing style. It's very unique and you're great at description. In this your creativity shines through, especially in the names of the Clans, the forest, and also on the plot and point of view. Using 'first person' dialogue, and by making it sound like a 'diary' of sorts is genius and very attention-grabbing. When I was reading this, it sounded very fresh, and all the parts were clear and nothing was out of place. You did a great job editing, I can see, because I couldn't find a single grammatical/spelling error. All in all, this was a lovely chapter, and you've even inspired me to write a little. But this story really does hold a lot of promise, and I hope you decide to share more of this in the future ^^
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Post by rain on Feb 9, 2009 16:17:00 GMT -5
Thank you so much Hotaru!!! That's really really nice of you  And you're right...I've edited this chapter about a gazillion times. But if you ever do see grammar or spelling mistakes, feel free to correct I'll post another chapter in a little bit! |
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Post by laurelflight on Feb 9, 2009 19:45:03 GMT -5
You're very welcome! And trust me, I won't refrain if I see something wrong, but I find that very unlikely after looking at this xD And please do! I can't wait to read it! ^^
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Post by Alex the Steamed Rice Eater on Feb 9, 2009 20:52:50 GMT -5
Woah... that's awesome. You really grabbed my attention! Aah! Please post the next chapters here... you got me hooked in just seven paragraphs!
NICE WORK.
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Post by Super Lemon on Feb 9, 2009 21:06:26 GMT -5
WOW!!! YOU'RE FANTASTIC!!! (i'm kinda blunt XD)
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Post by rain on Feb 10, 2009 12:46:29 GMT -5
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Post by laurelflight on Feb 10, 2009 16:24:07 GMT -5
"Not the normal eyes of any shape-shifter, a being that split his spirit and identity into two forms: that of a pure animal and that of a flawed person." I loved that very much. The sentence is very deep and thought-provoking.
Did I mention that you have a very wide vocabulary? Your diction is incredible, and you used it well to add a lot of suspense and mystery to the chapter. The only thing I'd like to inquiry about though, is for you to make sure that somewhere along the lines here to be sure that the reader will have a firm idea of what the main character looks like.
You see, I'm having slight trouble trying to imagine her in my mind, and I can understand that with how you're writing this a description of her would be hard to incorporate. But just in suggestion, it would be beneficial to somehow have her give hints at what she looks like maybe? It's just something that I thought I would point out ^^
Other then that, you have written another lovely and riveting chapter. <3
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Post by rain on Feb 10, 2009 19:50:50 GMT -5
^^ you are so right, Hotaru. I've been trying to think of a good way for the reader to find out what she looks like for a long time...I'll work on that and modify that last post when I finish. But for now, I have the rest of Chapter One and all of Chapter Two finished. I'll post right away.
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Post by rain on Feb 10, 2009 19:53:49 GMT -5
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Post by Alex the Steamed Rice Eater on Feb 10, 2009 19:57:38 GMT -5
Wow, this is amazing once again. I love how the Omanh and the narrator are sort of trapped...
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Post by rain on Feb 10, 2009 20:00:19 GMT -5
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Post by laurelflight on Feb 10, 2009 20:10:36 GMT -5
This part.... blew me.... away. I love Shara! She's a very unique and favorable character. Also, I was stunned, no, impressed by the greetings part, and also how you got more into the "traditions of the Clans" and the backgrounds for some of your characters.
The more and more I read this, the more I am certain that if this ever becomes a book, I'll be buying it; and so will everyone else!
Fantastic job on this section, it was marvelous.
I can't wait for the next part!
Now to read what you just posted xD
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Post by rain on Feb 10, 2009 21:31:31 GMT -5
Shara?? The main character's name is Kara and her friend is Shana...maybe you got the two confused?? But THANK YOU SO MUCH I really appreciate it, you guys make me feel like I actually have a chance of getting this published! |
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Post by Alex the Steamed Rice Eater on Feb 11, 2009 18:43:46 GMT -5
Oh god... please publish this. Please! I would most certainly buy it!
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Post by rain on Feb 11, 2009 20:04:59 GMT -5
I'll try I promise. But I haven't finished it yet....still got a lot to write. So no time in the near future. But I will tell you guys if it happens!! |
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Post by Super Lemon on Feb 16, 2009 12:03:58 GMT -5
You have the potential to become a great writer, dove! 
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Post by Alex the Steamed Rice Eater on Feb 16, 2009 13:51:23 GMT -5
YES YOU DO. *o*
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Post by rain on Feb 17, 2009 15:00:39 GMT -5
*grins* I'm running out of things to say. Thank you just doesn't seem to cover it anymore. You all are being way too nice...come on, you've got to have some criticisms!
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Post by Super Lemon on Feb 18, 2009 17:57:28 GMT -5
Uhhh.... seriously, maybe I'm amature, but i don't see any...
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